Revelations by Mrs. Bukola Awoyinfa, his ‘twin-brother’s wife, over the week, shows that, of a truth, that friendship which Awoyinfa admits, started at the professional before crossing over to business and personal levels, can be likened, as being suggested in some quarters, to that between the Biblical David and Jonathan. It, obviously, runs deeper than we thought or been told.
Bukola says the relationship is so strong, so intimate that even she and Dimgba’s wife, Obioma, could never dare to come between the two friends. Rather while it lasted, both wives contented themselves with just walking in its shadows, nay, its glow, while keeping their distance as circumstances and situations would allow. But then it also brought the two wives together in ways that, perhaps, never could have been possible.
Friendship and blossoming relationship
“We don’t interfere in their affairs. There was no need to because they hardly quarreled,” Bukola said, a statement which was later corroborated by her husband, Mike, although he was to later admit during the service of songs held, last weekend, in Lagos, that his usual habit of putting on jeans, which his friend hated and would never be found dead in, often caused some mock quarrels between them. “In fact, most times, we (meaning she and her husband) hardly go out together to social functions because they are always together. On some occasions, they (Dimgba and Mike) would go in one car then me and Madam (meaning Obioma, Dimgba’s wife), would take another car, look for a driver and follow them behind. We wanted them to be always together. We didn’t want to come in-between them. That’s the way they lived their lives for almost 30 years.”
But somewhere along the line, the friendship great swirl going on between the journalism twosome became so powerful, so overpowering as to suck in their wives into its wavy folds. “We’ve been friends for a long time now,” Bukola who Dimgba, while alive, fondly used to call “Bukky” or “First Lady”, recalls. “I can’t remember when it started but I think what initially made us to be close is that any time they were doing something in their church, she would invite me and I would attend. Then we were living at Akowonjo, Lagos, while they lived around Okota here. But any time we came for a programme in their church, we would talk and we would go. And, any time we had a get-together like birthday of our children, they would come. Weddings of our own siblings we were there and that’s what brought about our closeness.
“Our relationship became closer when we parked down here and started living next to each other. And it is not as if we said to ourselves we would be close; the thing came naturally as a result of the friendship between our husbands. It simply rubbed off on us. Any time I want to see her, there is a verandah over there. That’s where we usually meet to talk. If I called her on the phone and she did not answer, I would ask her house girl to tell Madam to see me at the usual place. And she would come and we would talk: ‘We’ve not seen each other for a long time o. What happened to you?’ And she would say: ‘I too have not seen you for weeks. I hope there’s no problem.’ I would say it is work. And from there we would talk about other things that concern women.
“At times we would share things together, like if I am going to buy chicken, I might buy a carton and we would share it, half-half, because we don’t have regular supply of electricity power here. At times if I go to buy fish at Apapa. I would buy some for her. Even if she didn’t ask me to buy for her, I would tell her that I bought so and so thing and she would say, ‘bring, let’s share.’ We would share the money among us and she would pay. Most of the times too, she buys things for me. She would say she had bought this, and I would say bring it. That was how we started getting closer to each other. Then we would talk about our children because once a teacher always a teacher.
Operating on the same wavelength
“She is a teacher and I am a teacher, so our talks always operate on the same level. Although she’s left teaching job and now runs a shop where she sells gift items, she always takes advice from me. And me too from her! Anytime anything is bothering me, I would call her. But we hardly talk about our husbands because to start with, they don’t even want us to interfere in their affairs.
“So, I would say we started being close to each other when we parked down to this house. At times, I would open my window because her window is close to mine and we would talk. Like the other day she came back from a pilgrimage to Jerusalem I just saw that the light in her room was on. Immediately, I saw that I opened my window and she opened hers too. I then called out: “Mama Jerusalem, Mama Israel, you are back? Welcome o!” And she laughed. I pull her legs a lot and any time I am talking she would laugh and laugh and say, ‘Mummy Buks, you’ve come again o. I missed you o.’ I would just create a joke and she would be laughing. She is a very quiet person. Once she is even talking in her house, you wont hear but when I am talking in my house everybody will hear in the other house. We are just different personalities but we are very close.”
From Dimgba’s wife, discussion swung to Dimgba himself and you asked her what kind of person he is. “Dimgba is a very good friend, a trustworthy man, a friend of my husband, a man of integrity, a godly man,” she said. “Sincerely, most of the time, if I want to know my husband’s mind because at times he doesn’t talk, I would go to Dimgba and ask him. In fact, as soon as I get to him, he would say, “Bukky, this is what we are doing o; this is what we are planning to do. We are on this, we are on that.” So, anytime I want to know much about them it is Dimgba I go to. And, he likes me. He holds me in high esteem and he doesn’t want anything to happen to me. He thinks good things for me, for my children and for my husband. And, he is a very jovial person, very friendly. He calls me so many names. At times, he calls me “First Lady.” At times, he calls me, “Bukky” but he has a way of calling it that makes it special.
“Because my husband is quite and would, sometimes, forget some things he ought to share with me, it is Dimgba that would open up and tell me everything that happened to them. He would say, ‘so your husband did not tell you? Maybe he has forgotten.’ And Mrs. Dimgba would never come here to disturb my husband; it is me that would be troubling her husband but she understands. Dimgba prays for me. The last time he prayed for me was on August 8 because I was born on August 8. He called me that morning and prayed earnestly for me and wished me many happy returns.
Nicknames and many sides of Dimgba
“My husband used to call Dimgba ‘my friend’. If they are talking and he wants to pass over the phone to me, he would say, ‘your friend is on the line and wants to speak to you.’ My last conversation with him was on Friday evening, before he was knocked down by a hit-and-run driver the following day. When he and my husband finished talking I now picked the phone and said: ‘how did you feel not having Mike for one week? Did you miss him?’ He said, ‘don’t worry. Enjoy yourself. I have to keep the home front. You know we have a lot to do.’ What I did not know was that that would be my last talk with him.
“Oh, how do I begin to talk about Dimgba? He has many sides and there are so many things to say about him. He is jovial; there’s a way he talks that will make you laugh. There’s a way he calls my husband and we would laugh. He would say: ‘Where is Baba Kakiri kakiri?’ I would say, ‘he is at home o; he is not doing any kakiri kakiri today. My husband is an old man now; he does not do kakiri kakiri any more.’ And he would say, ‘I hope so, Bukky.’ He calls him so many names and I have never seen them exchange words, neither has my husband reported Dimgba in any negative way to me, except positive things that Dimgba did.
“We have a kitchen up there (she was to later take you to go show you the place at the end of the chat). They have similar kitchen up there too. It is just support for the main kitchens. We don’t do the actual cooking there; we only microwave the food for them and things like that there. My husband doesn’t eat on the dining table. He eats inside the room. I think it is the same thing with Dimgba. Any time they are talking in those kitchens up there, most of the time I would just close the door leading into the doorway so that there would be no distraction. My husband would stay there and he and Dimgba would be passing papers to each other and be discussing on important matters that have to do with the books they are writing. Somewhere along the line they nicknamed that part of our houses “DHL”. So, whenever somebody said my husband and Dimgba are in DHL, we understood. And once they are talking and there are noises around, I would just close the door leading to the place so that nobody would interfere or disturb them. I noticed that Dimgba’s wife does that too.
Coming together in Cape Town
“The first time that four of us came together was during the last IPI (International Press Institute) conference held in Cape Town, South Africa. Before then we didn’t have that chance because most of the time they travel for IPI conference, two of them travel together. Initially, they said they didn’t have enough money to take us along with them; we have even put our minds off that. But Dimgba insisted that we should go together in this last one. And, suddenly they went to South African embassy to arrange visa for us. We’d been traveling abroad. The wife would travel on her own and I would go on my own. So we all travel at different times.
“But for the first time, he said all of us would go together. We sat on the same row in the flight that took us there and we really enjoyed ourselves. We would go to their room and in turn they would come to ours. We ate together and talked together. We spoke about our children, about so many things. Apart from the hotel where we were eating we went out to eat together at barbecue joints.
“I found out that Dimgba likes seafood, shrimps, lobster, etc while his wife likes conventional food. But my husband and I could eat anything anywhere. So, we were eating together on the same table, getting to know Mr. Dimgba very well. At times he would poke jokes at my husband and my husband would say, ‘don’t talk to me like that o. I am an old man.’ And Mrs. Igwe would take it serious with her husband and say, ‘why are you talking to him, meaning my husband, like that? Don’t you know he is older than you are?’ I would say, ‘Please, leave them alone to sort themselves out o. Did they start talking to each other like that today? Is it because you are now with them? Do you know what they have been doing?’
“My husband would say, ‘leave us alone o, that’s how we usually poke fun at each other. That you are with us doesn’t mean you should interfere in our affairs.’ He would tell my husband, ‘go this way,’ ‘no, do it this way.’
And my husband would say, ‘look at him; he is just ordering me about here and there like a kid whereas I am older than he is.’ But at the end he would obey him. And they promised us that any time they are going for IPI conference, they would always take us, not knowing that that would be the first time and last time we would be together. It pains me.”
Playing the comforter in time of need
Just the same way you see the pain of Dimgba’s shocking death written all over Obioma’s face. In the early days of the tragedy it was so heavy, so painful, so traumatic you hardly saw hint of smile on that cloudy face. In the course of it all, Bukky was one of those comforters who tried, in vain though, to cheer her up, to make her understand that though painful she had to stay strong for the children. And, she played a perfect comforter, as she had to divide her time between attending to some family matters and staying with Dimgba’s wife, to lend some emotional support which she needed most at this most trying period.
Then one Sunday before Governor Peter Obi, the immediate past governor of Anambra State came calling with Valentine Obienyem, his ex-Chief Press Secretary, and a few confidants, a woman walked in with her two cute-looking girls, to also lend their own emotional support. Trust children. The moment they stepped into the living room, they ran like hell and fell into the arms of the grieving woman and forcing her to forget her sorrow for a moment. And thereafter followed some moments of hugging, cuddling and laughter.
“Please, be coming with these your children,” Bukky who was sitting with her during their visit, thus pleaded with their mother. “I have never seen her face this bright since after this incident. I have never seen her laugh this way. Oh, for bringing your children to make her laugh, you’ve really made my day.”
“Oh, they are her children,” the woman replied. “The only other Mama they know, apart from me. So, they are in good hands.”
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Mrs. Bukola Awoyinfa: HOW DIMGBA’S FRIENDSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND BROUGHT HIS WIFE AND ME TOGETHER’ |
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