Pastor Soibi Okonma is the General Overseer of Disciples of Christ
International Ministries, Lagos. A Kalabari woman but married in Ibusa,
Delta State, Soibi is one woman who has defied the challenges of being a
woman pastor and has continued to grow stronger in the Lord’s vineyard.
In this interview, she spoke about the challenges of being a female
pastor, marriage and her contributions to the development of other women
especially widows in the fold
Excerpts:
Some people say that career women do not do well in marriage. Do you agree and if yes, why is this so?
Basically, marriage is extremely demanding, but people don’t get to
see it as that. Marriage is a situation where you decide whether to make
it work. Many of us face challenges in our offices, but we don’t quit.
Instead, we choose to make a success of it. But when it comes to
marriage, it becomes a different ball game. I feel that many parents
don’t train their children for marriage. We don’t emotionally talk to
our children about marital expectations. A lot of people get into
marriage thinking it is a fairy tale. Our expectations are a bit too
high for the other person who is also expecting somebody to pamper him
and be a mother and sister. So we come in with two ideas, it is like
walking on two different top lines.
So, the career woman has to come to a place where she understands
that her husband also needs emotion; he needs somebody who is strong.
The husband has to understand that the woman needs somebody who is
strong. If we bring this trend into marriage, marriage is not for
weaklings. Marriage is about responsibility. For a career woman, who is
doing so much and is expecting sympathy from her husband, she expects
total concern; she needs to find a balance. The thing is everybody has
to work out a pattern that will help our marriages work.
What are your challenges as a female pastor?
There are meetings that I have gone to and it is like God is only
speaking to the men, when people come out from the prayer land
prophesies come on. You find that 80 per cent of the people who step out
are men. For me, as a woman and as a pastor, it is challenging but I
think it is something that everybody can do, if you are sure God has
called you. The important thing is that you make sure God has called you
because if God doesn’t call you, you will struggle. If God calls you,
there is a passion in you that makes you not to stop and nobody can stop
you. There will be situations, crisis and problems, but you won’t be
able to stop. There was a time in my life that as a pastor, I just
wanted to resign. For me that is an experience I truly cherish.
How have you used your ministry to help other women?
When you help a woman, you helped her family. So, helping a woman is
not about just one person; every time you touch a life, you probably
touch other many lives. We empower women financially for their business.
We did some last year. Now we have started working with widows.
We have started financially empowering women on small scales and
rebuilt some others whose businesses were shutdown. There is a woman
recently that we have to help put her shop back again because her
children feed from that shop. We also run a school for indigent
children. We have given scholarship to these children because their
parent couldn’t pay their school fees. But truly we need people to help
us with that because having to provide their accommodation, feed them as
well as paying their school fees is a big burden.
We need people to assist us because we have qualified teachers who
are working with us we need to be paid. If we can keep families back on
track with the little assistance, we will be happy knowing that there is
a secured future for them.
What has life taught you?
Life has taught me that God can do all things. Life has taught me
that God can restore marriages that you think is over. Life has taught
me that with God, nothing is impossible. I believe it is not over for
anybody. If you can only believe in God, all things are possible to them
that believe.
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